I took particular enjoyment in writing this list today because the subject matter is something I have some experience in. I’m guessing you will be able to relate to this, too.

1.  Sleep in. Might as well start the day off right. Nothing like sleeping in an 4 hours, waking up groggy and incoherent. Sets the tone for the rest of the day. You can help the lethargy along by consuming voluminous quantities of pizza the night before.

2.  Do NOT write down your to-do list the night before. Improvisation is great for jazz. Even better if you want to be totally unproductive. You’re free to run to and fro, randomly and recklessly, throughout the day giving the impression of being productive.

3. Take short work breaks. I heartily recommend resting for 55 minute period, then doing a 5 minute period of unfocused work. A perfect way to get less than the minimum done.

4.  Increase the check up frequency of email, IM and your favorite Facebook status page. Nothing like being instantly in touch with others and ready for extended conversations.

5.  Eat fast food voraciously. l love the spike in blood sugar to get your pulse racing and the resulting sluggishness that inevitably follows. Ensure your chair has an adjustable tilt mechanism that affords a reclining position. Safety first.

6.  Answer every incoming call on the first ring. Nothing says I have nothing better to do than that. “Hey Bill glad you called … I was beginning to get some work done! …bwahahahaha…”

7. First things before you do any work. Upon arising: check your email, watch the news, read your horoscope, and consult the great oracle by googling things at random…

8.  Engage in lengthy meetings. It’s best not to set a time limit and make sure no one is aware of the topics. Add in plenty of donuts and soft drinks as productivity neutralizers.

9.  Leave the planner, day-timers and calendars at home. Keeping everything in your head will totally impress everyone. You might probably forget a few things but hey, that’s life and it happens.

10.  Lastly, avoid exercise. Above all, this is bad for laziness. The burst of energy you will get will almost assuredly blast away your unproductivity. Don’t run… just walk away slowly.

Hope this tongue-in-cheek list helps you in some way 🙂